Toyjunk-The Dolphin

     The feeling was too aghast. I sulked on my place and then froze in time.

    I counted the money left in my wallet. It totalled 2,000 pesos. Yes, I got that money for me to finance my needs for two weeks. It seems enough but it is not. I still have to do grocery for our food. I have to give the P1,000 salary of Lalay(oue househelp). I need allowance for my fare. I am getting stressed out thinking such facts. I am broke and I don’t know where to get the money I need for the coming days.

    The whole last night was long. I spent each tick of the clock deciphiring solutions to my problems. I wasn’t able to think of answers to my woes. I just got eyebugs. The dark circles encircle my eyes. My eyes now droop with dowsiness. Whew. It is hard not to have the money. Everything is affected.

     The financial dilemma I am into brings much complicated problems. I lose volition of working. Pile of office works haunts me no end. I can’t decide on things. I am a complete mess.

     My relationship with my brother is once again marred by my tantrums. I shouted at him. I can not bear the things happening around me. I even hate my hair. I dread my looks. I am disaapointed with everything. The violent acts I exhibit is brought about by the fincial constraint I am into. I am once again a rubbish dump. I have lost my confidence on things. I have lost confidence on myself. I am doomed. (Sorry for the exaggeration. It is my real feeling.)

    I can’t understand myself. I can’t seem to pacify myself. Supposedly, I am used to this situation. Destituteness is no new thing to me. It is a lifestyle I have mastered. Unfortunately, I am expert in such but poor in bearing its claws of hurts. I have no money and I don’t know the answer.I am clueless in every inch.

    The situation I am into is an irony. Why? I earned an extra P20, 000 this summer. Big cash, isn’t it? But I bought new shoes, MP4 and food. I splurge on things. I enjoyed it as if I will never run out of green bucks. It was too late for me to realize that I have no money left. I am literally poor. I felt worse because of that. I confirmed  my dumbness. I am no bright in money matters. I am so dull. I can’t save for the rainy days. The rainy days has flooded my dominion and drowned life-my life.

    The more ironic thing I did today is doing my internet session and spending as much as P50 for the rent. Every peso I spent nowadays is so important. Every peso counts. So, why I am doing this? Have I really lost my sanity? Am I putting myself to worse state. I am too masochist. But I have my reason. I need this internet session. WHY?

   Simple. I need someone to tell these woes or else I will lose my senses.I got no one except you. I got no best friend you know. Poor me. Atleast my blog readers will not judge me. Chances are, I may find the answers. I am seeing things in a perspective. Unloading my emotional baggages is giving me a CPR. Yes, it is resuscitating my life blood. It is giving me the air of life. I need to breathe.

   I will think of the answer to my financial woes.

   Tic…Tac…Tic

    I am counting each second. I am thinking of the answer.Voila! I got it.

     I will go to church and pray . He never fails me.I will get the answer there.God is the truth. (So, typical huh! I trust Him the most.)

   The truth is, God is my refuge. I feel strength with him. I will never be afraid. He loves me. God loves me. Praise him.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 2nd, 2006 at 4:00 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.