Toyjunk-The Dolphin

      I looked straight at the mirror and saw the difference. My goal of shedding pounds has taken noticed. Overwhelmingly, I gave myself the widest grin. It was a success. I am losing weight. I am looking better. I am becoming healthy. Oops. The last sentence got tangled in my uvula. I am not getting healthy. I am blatantly lying.

     Losing weight ordinarily would mean I am on the way to the pink of health. The truth is I am not. I can’t describe the pain of vomiting that I experience every morning as I eat. If I am young, I would probably be accused that I am bulimic. You might have the notion that I stopped eating much because I am afraid to grow fat. Partly, that was the reason. I am actually haunted by the fact that someone told me that I lack self control. I hate people accusing me of such irresponsibility. So I told myself that I will stop eating. I did and I do.It was painful.

    The pain of dieting gets the toil of my health. First, it was the aching stomach raring for food. Next, it was the dizzy spell for the lack of sleep because of the decreased carbohydrates. Then, the weakening limbs for the lack of energy. Worst, depression engulfs my being as I get disappointed by the sacrifices I have made. I am in for dilemma.

     I can’t describe the agony of the difficulties I encounter. I am losing myself. My friends accuse me of insanity as I go through this calvary of the goal to be thin. They would not understand why I bear all of these. I have to. This is a process wherein I can make myself whole again. I have to undergo this deconstruction to later rebuild myself to a new me. I believe that I will be better as I learn the hard road of life.

     Don’t worry. I will never self destruct. What I am going through is a transformation. I am in a hibernation to have a new me. The start of building my new self image is seing the beauty in myself. Good news! I faced the mirror and saw my reflection of my beautiful self. You will see soon. I see the beautiful me. It is a start.

     Surprises are such accidentals. We are simply caught unprepared. Worse, we would not know how to be happy. It was dreadful. Dumbness becomes normal.

    I thought this morning was ordinary. I lay lazily of the faculty room’s sofa I was waiting for my financial management class when Ms Rafa, one of my english teachers in the area, came. I greeted her showing my lethargic aura. The morning has not been good. I woke up late despite my late sleep. The worst thing was I vomitted that morning (Vomitting has been a habit for unknown reason) I rush to school that morning. I finished my oral report at about 8:30 am. My energy ws drained to the hilt.

    Ms Rafa then told me that he saw Renin (The cute student aid of the chapel, a marillac grantee). He was texting. She accused me that I was his textmate at the moment. I vehemently denied it. She prodded me to text him.

    Brought about the boring ambience of the arm morning, I texted him. That was the most sensible thing to do amid boredom. I teased him in the sms that I am hurt of the fact that he was texting and I was not his textmate.

    The text I sent had no goal.  I just wanted to while the time. I was even expecting for a reply People nowadays hs lean to save their peso. A nonsense text deserves not even a glance. After 5 minutes,  I got a surprise of my life. Angel (another student aid) came with a yellow flower. He gave it to me. He told me that Renin asked him to hand the flower to me.

    At that moment, I would not know if I will shout or scream . I would not even know if I want to jump. A remark of desbelief clearly spelled out from my trembling lips. I was uncertain of what to feel. I just knew that  I was happy. Renin had injected zest in my dull day. He was so kind nd so sweet. He made the effort which was unexpected. I love Rinen. He is kind.

    Rinen is an instrument to remind me that goodness comes in a least expected moment. Happiness is brought by action defined by genuine kindness and love. I still got the flower. I will make it a bookmark. It will be a reminder for me to be happy.

     ( I have never received a surprise for a year. It came unexpectedly from a guy who would have the least probability of giving attention to me. Surprises really catches us unprepared. We are caught flat footed. Surprise.)